what can i get for ten dollahs???

whenever i feel sick or expired, i like to compare my brain to a bowl of oatmeal that contains a tad too much liquid; be it milk or water. combine this with flashes of full metal jacket and apocalypse now, and you have the ultimate psychedelic fiber adventure on constant replay. I'M IN VIETNAM!!! so is ellen. i'm pinching myself in saigon and my stomach has never been so excited since i was 16. goodbye lentils and aloo jazz...HELLO CHOPSTICKS (the sequel, as i have been living in china for the past year) AND PHO!

huddled in the back of my 60's literature classroom scouring the pages of a tim o'brien; armed with a massive highlighter...who thought i'd end up here? my father avoided it, only for his daughter to visit it of her own free will. while the city is oozing with museums that contain or depict physical evidence of the war and it offers adventure day trips (the cu chi temples); one could just as easily assume that the citizens of saigon like collecting military relics. the battle scars in this area remain quite latent, although i have to wonder how many of the physical anomalies that we have witnessed can be attributed to the spraying of agent orange.

the only thing that's lacking here is a working knowledge of the language on my behalf. it can honestly provide you with a much richer experience. unfortunately, ellen and i have yet to grasp the six tones (and i thought four was tragic) of the vietnamese language. luckily, everyone seems to have a good sense of humor about the whole shabang; although i've had to physically hold down waitresses while i tried to explain my order through gesticulations. i am not a stranger to this form of assault, as this was also a daily food ordering ritual in yuyao.

i am also no stranger to disneyfied tour spots in asia. elsie and i biked our little foreign hearts out to the chinese jade garden near ningbo, only to confront a series of gardens that seemed to laugh in our faces, a shooting range, and a large empty temple complex next to carnival rides. while it was worth the dong spent to go the tunnels, a little bit less flair could have made the experience more...authentic? i don't know if that's the word i actually want to use, as i would rather miss the authenticity of war and violence firsthand at all costs.

setting: the cu chi tunnels. we came to a series of exhibits that described the viet cong prior to entering the tunnels. there was an animatronix section of viet cong boys and gals dressed in their wartime regalia crafting various homemade bombs. one switch set them ablaze with action as they hammered away at metal panels and carved bamboo spikes. this lasted all of 15 seconds in an effort to conserve energy i suppose. our tour guide was tickled pink after "confessing" to us that every mannequin viet cong gal was his girlfriend. the boy gets around!

approaching the souvenir stand (one of many), we were invited (at a price) to shoot an ak-47, along with other guns that i honestly can't name. all i know is they were big and the sony headphones we were given did nothing to soften the sound. it actually reminded me of 3 am in yuyao when everyone awakes with the incredible urge to set off all of the crackers they have been saving 'neath their beds. ellen and a man from holland shot. i just stood by took photographs of our two gun enthusiasts. the rest of the group ate ice cream cones. ice cream cones on a battlefield...i guess eric and i did that at gettysburg, but ahhh!!! sprinkles. chocolate syrup. foil wrapping.

hovering over the entrance to the tunnels, everyone was given a choice. about half of our crew went down for the first round, but then came out only to realize there was more. yes, the tunnels were hot and dirty...and freaky. i made ellen go first and her khakis served as a beacon as i followed them through meandering stretches and stairwells that lasted all of five minutes, but seemed like a lifetime of staten island museum touch tunnel traumatic experiences.

dusting off our hands, we were shuffled through the remaining souvenir stalls and watched a video which i like to call "american killer hero," as it depicted wartime in the cu chi area and the daily routines of the villagers who simply wanted to live sans the american influence. everyone expected ellen and i to be slightly offended, but remembering the american propaganda distributed during that time period only served to make us embarrassed. to the right was a pinball-machine like construction of the tunnels with a lovely oil painted landscape of american copters.

we hit the w.c., another stand and headed home.

i really wonder about historical monuments and how we choose to convey our past as humans. there are many sides to every story, but however you look at this one, it's just sad for all of the parties involved. i really feel inadequate, under qualified and a bit inappropriate because i have only really scratched the surface of this event in our and vietnam's history. but i am glad i went.