ahoi an!!!!

sipping festival beers, man-handling moist maps of the dmz, eagerly awaiting a vegetarian feast, and comparing blurry memories of hoi an...this is how we chose to spend our remaining hours in hue.
our previous home, hoi an (which can also spell "hanoi" with a shake of a scrabble bag); was reached via a local bus from da nang. the khaki clad ticket matron who ushered us to the bus seemed toothy enough, and offered us back seats which gave us ample room to store our packs. while cruising down the street, nodding at the locals, feeling the slight breeze caress my sunburned cheek, life seemed pretty sweet...until the entrance of an additional khaki clad ticket matron, emanating venom from his eyes. elbow nudges followed. it was time to start watching the bills that were being exchanged so we could approximate what the fare would be. he brought it harder than we ever expected.
levitating through the chaos of the upper bus region, he landed directly in front of us, gibber-jabbered, and drew a "30" in the air with his finger. this meant that we were each to pay him 30,000 dong (about $2...A RIDE ON THE Q TRAIN!). a boy hunched over by the back door muttered that 10,000 was an appropriate price. khaki venom gave him the eyes and our comrade quickly fiddled with his fake ray bans. we did jazz hands to show him we'd pay 10 each. shaking his head no, he simultaneously re-drew the "30" in the air. awkwardness suffused through the vehicle as the other riders tried to calculate our next move. waving him towards the front of the bus, we told venom we'd pay him once he returned. stalling him would give us additional time to build up our defense.
3 minutes later, he was back, wiggling his finger about, looking more perturbed than previously.
he did his little "30" move.
"no!" i shot back. "why do we have to pay three times the actual price?"
this time he pointed at our day packs and our big guns stuffed underneath the seats.
"you want us to pay extra for the bags?!?!?!"
he shook his head "yes" with a satisfied grin. i was not having it. i started to point at the bags on the laps of all the women, children, dogs, chickens, etc. sitting around us. i mean, some guy had his bicycle on the bus!
i retorted with a firm "no" as he tried to wrangle my pack out from under my seat. i think he was trying to psyche me out into thinking he'd actually toss it off the bus, but it was too heavy for even him to move. in the midst of the pandemonium, two young boys from an english speaking country that i couldn't quite identify jumped on the rear of the bus, two packs and a guitar in tow. sensing allies, we quickly informed them of our situation as venom approached. completely apathetic to our plight, as their bar mitzvah money was probably paying for their little excursion, they gleefully forked over 60,000 dong.
with lust in his eyes, venom approached again. i pointed at the bamboo staffs and sticks others had placed on the floor. "how much do you charge for sticks?" i screeched. the boys looked embarrassed for me. i started to feel embarrassed for me, and in the end we each handed him 20,000. he had fed his rip-off the foreigner hunger and lingered towards the front of the bus, hyucking it up with his friends for the remainder of the journey.
wriggling our way off the bus in hoi an, we decided to employ the "wait at a coffee stall on the side of the road until all the annoying motorbike drivers leave" method before finding lodging. ellen reviewed the local map, while i pointed and laughed at venom who was enjoying a sugar cane juice with some local ladies. i think i killed his game, or at least damaged it for awhile. determined to make up for the extra dong we had spent, we started our trek towards the backpacker area, only to give up three minutes into it because my shoulder still hurt from my daredevil incident, and hopped on the back of some hondas.
shockingly, most of the hotels, even those not listed in the "bible" were full. it was hot and we wanted to swim. another honda driver pointed us down alley towards a hotel that had feasible rooms and a baby that i liked. after a brief siesta, we interviewed the hotel staff about vegetarian restaurants that were not geared towards tourists. meandering and looping through several alleyways, we reached "quay chay," a little red plastic chair vegetarian haven located in a family's front yard. we managed to order a pho with tofu, which i doused with too much chili, but forced myself to eat it anyway. they were happy, we were happy, and another baby was semi-happy as its grandfather paraded it through the yard.
day two to follow...